Talk is cheap....

So today was a good french day for me. A rating is based on whether I avoid having a conversation in french all together (bad) or if I make the effort (good). Talking, especially for someone like me, shouldn't be this complicated. Here's the thing: in english, I talk way too much, way too fast, and according to many, way too loud. In french, I don't talk enough. And when I do, it's whispered, stuttered, sputtered and includes as many hand gestures as possible. I tell people I have rosacea, but really I just blush a whole lot.

It's like I'm "The two voices of CeeCee" (um, this is a reference to the movie, The three faces of Eve).

To be fair, it isn't just the language deficiency that turns me into a schizophrenic speaker. To steal a line from an incredibly cheesy (but wonderfully watchable) film, Somethings Gotta Give, some people make me a better person. I have a few friends, and just being with them, whether in person or on the phone, bring out the most honest, interesting, articulate me. These are the ones that question what I say, are interested enough to engage, and more importantly, have something to offer (teach) me. My oldest ever friend once accused me of being weirdly judgemental. And she was right, I am. So, it's nice to know she cares enough to criticise.

On the other hand, being in the company of a different type of person, and I become different . I fight for words, analyze their intended impact, reject them and am left speechless, frustrated. I wonder what the other person will make of me and all is lost. Sounds maudlin, I know, but there it is....

So, umm, there's no moral here. Just that writing this, with only an imaginary audience, is a whole lot easier than I thought it would be. Wish I could approach my french conversation skills with the same lack of inhibitions too.